the new term for farting is butt boxing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
