Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Mom said you looked used
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
