do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
