Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
