what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
