We're facebook friends in real life
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
