Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
