"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
