yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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