like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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