90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
