let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
