On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
