Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my mouth tastes like poor choices
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
