I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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