I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
