Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
