Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
