Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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