He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
