Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will be naked everywhere
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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