They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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