Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
