her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
