Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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