are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
