she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
