oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
