Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
