bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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