she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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