I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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