i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize