i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
