he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
