I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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