So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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