I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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