I bet he comes in French.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
