You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize