dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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