sarcasm needs its own font
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
