Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
