i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
