Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think my moral compass just broke
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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