I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
