I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
