Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
