Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
