I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
