In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
