omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
