so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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