so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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