I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
