i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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