just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
