My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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