so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
