Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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