Did you just see the Batmobile???
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
