listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
