Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
