I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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