there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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