He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you win again, gameday.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
