This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize