the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
