i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
